Turnback Ridge Read online

  TURNBACK RIDGE

  A NOVEL

  Gerri Brightwell

  TORREY HOUSE PRESS

  Salt Lake City • Torrey

  First Torrey House Press Edition, October 2022

  Copyright © 2022 by Gerri Brightwell

  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or retransmitted in any form or by any means without the written consent of the publisher.

  Published by Torrey House Press

  Salt Lake City, Utah

  www.torreyhouse.org

  International Standard Book Number: 978-1-948814-65-2

  E-book ISBN: 978-1-948814-66-9

  Library of Congress Control Number: 2021941410

  Cover design by Kathleen Metcalf

  Interior design by Rachel Buck-Cockayne

  Distributed to the trade by Consortium Book Sales and Distribution

  Torrey House Press offices in Salt Lake City sit on the homelands of Ute, Goshute, Shoshone, and Paiute nations. Offices in Torrey are on the homelands of Southern Paiute, Ute, and Navajo nations.

  To my wonderful menfolk:

  Cam, Conor, Ross, and Callum

  1

  That first evening after they fled Anchorage, the sun slipped beneath the spent clouds and hung huge and pale over the hills. Its light dazzled off puddles, off drops clinging to Nash’s windshield, quivering in the rush of air as he sped along the highway. Here was the world washed clean: the road dark and gleaming, the forested hills razor-cut against the sky, the camping trailer like a new-made thing in Nash’s mirror. He drove with his window cracked open and the cab filled with the earthy smells of life rousing itself, as though this was simply another weekend camping trip, just him and his boys. But those mile markers flashing past made his heart squeeze uncomfortably—it was still so far to the border.

  Barely six in the evening, and the sun was high and would be for hours. If he kept driving, they’d cross into Canada during the night when the light had turned dingy. At this time of year there was no darkness, and now he wondered if the border would be open. He didn’t know. In the panic of leaving, he hadn’t thought to check.

  He rubbed his chin. At least the numbness was almost gone, that awful feeling of his own flesh turned alien, though the tooth the dentist had filled was pulsing now. Yet another strand of misery on this miserable day, and the pain wasn’t even bad enough to chase away the tiredness dragging at him. He pushed himself back against his seat and took a few deep breaths, as if that would help. He’d been up early to get the boys ready for day camp, packing their lunches, planning his work day because he had to be at the dentist’s by one, and he had a report to finish, and Tony to fill in about what to present at the sales meeting. Now all that felt like days ago, before the moment this afternoon when his life had snapped apart.

  He hadn’t calmed down until the storm hit. He’d been blasting down the highway—taking bends too fast, hanging on the tail of the car up ahead because who drove at goddamn fifty out here?—when suddenly the sky had dimmed. Dense clouds had been piling up to the south and he hadn’t given them a thought. Without warning, rain had come thrashing down so hard that the world beyond the windshield had simply melted away and he’d had to pull over. How long had he stopped? Half an hour, maybe longer. At first, he cursed and kept the engine running, but as he and the boys stared at the downpour slapping against the windows, their breath misting the glass, their heads filled with the din of rain and thunder, that fear in his gut let go. Eventually he shivered and looked around. Both of the boys had fallen asleep, Chris beside him with his teenage legs awkwardly folded so his feet could rest against the dash, and, in the back, Robbie slumped with his head against the window. Better that than them asking over and over why they were leaving home, and why they couldn’t go back, and him trying to explain without letting on how badly he’d fucked things up.

  And he had, hadn’t he? Six months ago, when he’d tried to renew his permanent residency, he was denied, no reason given, so he’d paid for a lawyer to appeal and it hadn’t made one bit of difference. His lawyer said, “It’s happening a lot, you know. People who’ve lived in this country most of their lives are being turned down.” Nash asked her what to do and she told him, “Pack up. Move back to Canada. And you’d better hurry—they took so long to deny your appeal, you only have twelve days.” How can you let go of your life in twelve days? It was the middle of the semester for the boys, the middle of a big sales campaign at work. It was easier just to keep sending the kids to school and going into the office. The way he figured it, Immigration wasn’t interested in law-abiding Canadians living up in Alaska.

  Then this afternoon they’d come looking for him. He’d decided to go home after the dentist—one side of his face was numb, and if he was going to have food dripping down his chin, he’d rather do it in the privacy of his own kitchen. As he turned into his road, though, he noticed a black SUV outside his house. He pulled up in a neighbor’s driveway and lowered himself in his seat. In the side-mirror he watched two men in gray track-suits knocking at his door. Across their backs, red letters in an arc, and a logo. This wasn’t Immigration. This was worse: bounty hunters who rounded up illegals for profit. There’d been scandals—people snatched from hospital beds, from classrooms, from gravesides during burials; people injured, killed even—and yet nothing had been done to rein them in, or the private companies they worked for. They were efficient, and that was all that mattered.

  The two men knocked for so long that the old guy across the street had time to hobble over, smiling and chatting away. That bag of shit was probably telling them what time Nash got home from work. He stood by while they busted Nash’s door open, even followed them in as they searched the place. Afterward, back on the doorstep, they slapped him on the shoulder, all smiles. The old guy walked home with something small and white cupped in his hand. A card. So he could call when Nash got home.

  Nash parked in the back alley and let himself in through the kitchen. He used garbage bags, stuffing in clothes that had been strewn over the floor, and documents, photos, anything precious or necessary, and then heaved the bags into the bed of his truck. As for the camping trailer in the back yard—an old thing he’d bought years ago from a buddy who’d had enough of the US—he and his boys had been using it at the weekends to head out of town when the heat of the city was too much. The water tank was half full, the propane too. He hitched it up and took off with his heart thrashing in his chest. He made it to day camp just in time to pick up the boys. At first, Robbie had been excited—he kept asking where they were going and thought Nash was joking when he said Canada. Chris caught on at the sight of the truck bed covered with a tarp. He slouched in his seat and wouldn’t look Nash in the eye.

  The storm had stopped as suddenly as a cut in a bad movie, and steam wisped off the hood. Starting the engine hadn’t woken the boys, nor had the bouncing as Nash steered back onto the road. They’d simply resettled themselves, and maybe it was the sight of them so tenderly asleep that made him feel emptied out by how badly he’d let them down. No wonder he drove cautiously, as though he were cradling them against the world.

  The landscape beyond the windshield was nothing but hillsides bristling with charred trunks where once there’d been forest. In the last few years the whole continent, the whole world, had been raging with wildfires and droughts, massive storms and rising seas. Some winters, Anchorage was buried under ten feet of wet snow; other years, there was little snow at all. Farther north, buildings were sinking into the permafrost, and villages tipping into the ocean. Polar bears had been spotted roaming south, stark white against the tundra, and they were the lucky ones. So many had died. So many species were vanishing. This was a world gone crazy, and Nash pressed hard
er on the gas.

  Before long the road curved into a slow descent. The fire hadn’t reached this far so the hills were the fresh green of early summer. He let out his breath in a long slow sigh and resettled himself in his seat. Even here the landscape looked damaged: hillsides raw where slopes had slumped away, fans of debris heaped around their feet. Maybe it was because of all the rain, the earth so waterlogged that it gave way. It felt true, even if it wasn’t. What did he know? He worked for a company that sold cleaning products, and that was the problem because nobody knew for sure how the climate was changing when government agencies were barred from collecting data.

  He flexed his hands. Let it go, he told himself, just let it all go. Soon they’d have left this country behind, and he wondered why they’d stayed so long. But that had been the idea: to make a life here. His problem was that he’d refused to give up long after it was clear that giving up would have been the sensible thing to do.

  The boys slept. Nash drove on with the pulsing in his tooth tugging at his attention. He pushed his tongue against it as though it needed warmth and kept the truck going at a steady seventy except where the highway turned sharply or rose in a long slog. In places the road crested, and there the land was laid out in all its glory with hills upon hills swelling away into the haze, and mountains magnificent and inscrutable in the distance. Then the road would descend again and there’d be nothing but the low sky, and trees pressing in.

  He crossed bridges over rivers that thrashed past a few yards below. He passed dirt roads leading off into the forest, the occasional mailbox on a tilting post, and faded FOR SALE signs for plots of land that were nothing but wilderness. Where the road broadened into four lanes of perfect blacktop an RV overtook him, so sleek and enormous it blocked out the landscape as it slid past. Most of the highway hadn’t been repaved in years, though, and was cracked and warped, or sagged into dips where frozen ground had thawed. In one place a wide puddle had gathered, and he had to slow way down to drive through it. On the side of the road, a moose. It swung its head to glance at him, then reached out with its lips and tugged at tender twigs, tugged harder, and down glittered a shower of rain.

  So much rain. Everything drenched. Grasses beaten down, birches bedraggled by the weight of the water clinging to their leaves, bare rock turned dark and shining. The road was drying off to a pasty gray except where water had pooled. Small wonder so few people were out: no sightseers pulled up to take pictures, no tourists with binoculars. The only people he passed were a handful of men in yellow coveralls rooting through the debris of a rockslide. Their bus was parked close by—a short one painted gray.

  Prisoners, then, perhaps even immigration detainees. The sight of them made a fizz of panic run down his back, and Nash looked away. He pushed his tongue against the tenderness of his tooth and focused on the endless band of road rolling toward the hood of his truck. His head was gritty with exhaustion, his thoughts clogged. He’d been in such a panic he’d just run, and now he wondered if he and the boys would be stopped at the border. It would make no sense to arrest them when they were trying to leave, but worse had happened: immigrants with legal status mistakenly detained, their kids lost in government bureaucracy for months, for years even.

  Nash bent forward and rolled his shoulders to loosen them. The route was simple—up to Tok, then back down heading east to the border at Beaver Creek. All he had to do was keep driving. Up ahead, another bridge, longer this time. As he crossed, he stared out at the river. All that water twisting frantically, milky with ground-up rock and bristling with dead trees caught among the boulders. If you fell in, that was it—you’d be swept away and lost forever. He held the wheel tight and kept his eyes on the road.

  Where the highway straightened up, the road was so buckled that the trailer lurched and bounced in the rearview mirror, and he had to slow again. He glanced at his watch. At this rate it’d be well into evening by the time they got to Glennallen, and he’d need gas and something for the boys for dinner—they would whine at having to eat in the truck, but he wasn’t going to stop for any longer than necessary, not when he was already so god-damn tired. He switched the radio on low, something to keep him awake, and though he searched and searched, there was only a preacher talking about damnation, and a station playing Metallica. He sighed and turned it off.

  A few beats later, like a strange echo of the music, a whomp-whomp-whomp started up under the truck. There was no mistaking it: a flat, out here where there was nothing but hills and the road, as if the storm and the desperate rush of leaving hadn’t been enough. He pulled over onto the shoulder where it widened close to the debris from a rockslide.

  Robbie groaned. “Is this where we’re stopping, Dad? Are we getting dinner?”

  Chris levered himself up and ran his fingers through his hair. “Robbie, look out the window, for crap’s sake—there’s nothing here.” He’d had his dark hair cut short enough on the sides that his scalp showed through. On the top, though, it was so long and thick with hair product that it flared out. What would Maria have thought of it? That he looked like a feather duster, maybe, and she’d have said so, but she’d have stretched up to kiss him on the cheek, and he wouldn’t have minded, would have laughed and said, “Yeah, Mom, that was the look I was going for.”

  Maria’s son. Three years old when Nash met her, and Nash loved Chris because he loved Maria. Sometimes, though, like when Chris got that crazy haircut, or turned angry and sullen, to Nash he looked like a stranger, like the man who must have fathered him and who Maria had said little about except that he’d deceived her. A proud woman humiliated—no wonder she’d left behind her life in Mexico and brought Chris with her. At those moments when Chris was difficult, part of Nash hardened against him, never mind that he hated himself for it. Afterward he’d busy himself with dinner, or taking out the trash, anything but meet Chris’s eyes, or Maria’s. He’d always wondered if she suspected those flashes of resentment, those times when he hugged Chris a little too hard because he’d felt his love for him stumble.

  In the passenger seat, Chris was frowning as he stared out the windshield to the road cutting through the hills, and the sky clotted with clouds. Nash took a long breath, kept his voice even as he said, “We’ve got a flat, that’s all.”

  “But how long’s it going to take to fix? Are we near the border?”

  Chris rubbed his face. “Come on, Robs, it’s not like Dad wants to get stuck out here.”

  “We’re stuck out here?”

  “Not stuck.” Nash shut off the engine and felt Robbie’s breath hot on his cheek. He turned and there was Robbie’s face, so close he was all mussed hair and dark eyes. “I have to put on the spare. You know what, though? I bet this area’s great for fossils. That rockslide, all that debris—that’s the place to look. The storm will have washed away some of the dirt. Who knows what it’ll have turned up. Why don’t you two go take a look while I change the tire?” His voice sounded brittle and too cheery. Just a few hours ago he’d uprooted the boys and made them leave behind most of what they owned in the world, and now he was telling them to go hunt for fossils.

  Robbie tugged on Chris’s T-shirt. “You want to? Come on.”

  Chris batted his hand away. “We’re supposed to go look for fossils? Jesus—” He made a sound that was half choke, half sob.

  “Of course, if you want, you can give me a hand with the spare.”

  In the last year Chris had perfected looks of sourness, crooking his mouth, bunching the skin between his eyebrows—the face of the man who’d deceived Maria. Nash pushed that thought away. The face of a teenager, that’s what it was, and those eyes staring at him from between thick lashes, those were Maria’s. Then Chris looked away, swinging the door open and climbing out. A breath of cool air lingered in the cab as he slouched off with his hands in his shorts pockets.

  How strange to be father to a sixteen-year-old almost as tall as him, who’d started shaving but could still sulk and snap. This last year he’d t
urned moody as hell. Maybe that was just hormones, or maybe the fact that his mother had disappeared and, despite all Nash had done, there was no trace of her. Chris needed her—they all needed her.

  Nash unbuckled his seatbelt, said to Robbie, “You going to be pissy too?” When he glanced in the mirror, Robbie was staring back at him. A narrow face like his own, the same long nose, but the hair was a glossy black instead of his mousy brown, the eyes not gray but dark like Maria’s. Robbie leaned forward. “No. He’s just mad because you left his new hoodie back at the house.”

  “It was a crazy rush. I’m sorry.” He sighed. “It’s not like I wanted any of this to happen, you understand that, right?”

  “Yeah, I guess,” he said, but his eyes slipped away.

  “I didn’t want to pull you boys out of school during the semester. I didn’t want your lives upset.”

  “I know, Dad. You don’t have to explain it all again.” Now he did sound pissy. Without another word, he got out and ran to catch up with Chris, his T-shirt flapping around him, so long it almost hid his shorts. It was a T-shirt Chris had grown out of, too big for Robbie really, and on the front was the surly face of some rapper Chris liked, or had once liked, and that was enough for Robbie to love it. Ten years old and he was full of yearning to be like his brother when he had the whole of the rest of his life to be grown up.

  How quiet the truck felt now. The air hung still and accusatory. Nash pulled the keys from the ignition and held them hard enough that the metal dug into his fingers. So today was the day the boys had seen him frantic and scared for the second time in their lives, when no kid should ever see their dad like that. And the first time? Just over a year ago when Maria had vanished. She’d simply disappeared between the clinic where she worked and the parking lot across the street, and the cops hadn’t done a thing about it because people took off all the time, they said, to escape marriages and debt and Immigration, and she was Mexican after all. Nash told them she had a green card, and one of the cops scowled, said, “Like you can’t just buy yourself one of those online.” Then he’d pushed his lips together and asked Nash where he was from, and when Nash told him Canada, the cop held out his hand and said, “Then we’d better take a look at your papers.”